Introduction

I grew up in a time of television innocence. Some of the landmark TV shows of this era were Leave it to Beaver, Julia, Ozzie and Harriet, The Andy Griffith Show, and of course, Batman. Juxtaposed against this backdrop of wholesomeness and comfort was The Twilight Zone, which for me, in elementary school, was a disquieting and spooky show. In The Twilight Zone, some hapless victim always stumbled into some kind of misadventure and ended up trapped in a stressful situation. Nothing ever fully made sense in The Twilight Zone. The rules of time and space were suspended. But this much was clear. If you were unfortunate enough to find yourself in The Twilight Zone, nothing was more important than getting out.
The Bible is filled with examples of people who found themselves in a difficult situation and needed to escape. I am convinced that the Hebrew people who left the oppression of Egypt understood how nerve-racking it is to be in a “twilight zone” experience. It’s a space they were familiar with, between oppression and deliverance, promise and fulfillment. The Hebrew people were in limbo. They were in search of a land flowing with “milk and honey,” but they got stuck instead in a menacing wilderness on the journey from Egypt to Canaan (see Numbers 13:1—14:24).
The same is true for the people I serve today as a therapist at the Pastoral Counseling Network in Philadelphia. Many are post-traumatic stress survivors. Most, like brave soldiers, carried on with their lives until new demands brought the old wounds storming back to the surface. These courageous souls all seem to be in a zone, a strange trauma zone. And like The Twilight Zone, many things just don’t make sense. In this trauma zone, the usual rules of living a comfortable and sane life have been suspended.
Trauma zone dwellers have an existence that is full of “can’ts.” These can’ts form an organized network, like distinct stops—stations—on a train route.

1. Can’t Cope with Your Emotions. The very nature of trauma is to become overwhelmed with your emotions. Your feelings become too hot to handle. Somehow, by God’s grace, you survive; but you notice something is different about you now. You are inundated by your feelings. Sometimes you feel your emotions so intensely that it hurts to feel. It’s easier at times to feel nothing at all.
On the other end of the spectrum, your reactions may become so forceful that they feel unmanageable: sadness becomes depression, anger becomes rage, and anxiety turns into panic. The classic patterns of “fight or flight” slide into operation here too. And because it seems as if you can’t cope with your feelings, a domino effect is created in other areas. Your fears may immobilize you. Your pain may torment you to such a degree that you live in the past. Reality may hurt so much that you may choose to live in a world of fantasy or denial, or even worse to get hooked on anything that will deaden the pain. All of the other trauma stations are a by-product of this one.

2. Can’t Tell Time. In this station of The Trauma Zone, you are so besieged by pain from the past that you become distracted from living your life in the present. Nightmares, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts all play a part in keeping you at this station and from becoming grounded in the here and now. It is commonplace to get the past confused with the present. Something that may have happened years ago seems as though it is happening right now.

3. Can’t Move. I have noticed that trauma survivors at this station often complain of feeling stuck. You share how hard it is to move on and leave behind disturbing memories and bad experiences. In this station, you often feel like a victim and do not know how to get out of this position. You describe yourself as being frozen, like a deer caught in the headlights of an automobile. The mere process of making a decision becomes painful in this trauma station. You procrastinate. Your self-esteem has so many holes in it you could drive a truck through it. And you have an overall lack of life progress.

4. Can’t Learn. People in this station keep repeating the same mistakes. You may find yourself engaging in addictive behaviors (alcohol, crack, sex, romance, work, shopping, etc.), often in the face of mounting evidence that the practice is not working. The expression, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result,” applies here. Relationship failure is also prominent. Unfortunately, because you have undergone extreme stress you have a tendency to change partners without changing yourself. When this happens, you blame others for your mistakes. Invariably, you don’t learn from your pain. A pattern of relationship failure, both personal and professional, comes cascading down on you.

5. Can’t See. Survivors at this station are in a state of denial, like an ostrich with its head buried in the sand. You handle your pain in lots of creative ways. You pretend your pain does not exist. You act as though what you have been through is no big deal. You block difficult memories from your mind.

These five stations form the boundaries of The Trauma Zone. Like the people in the fictional Twilight Zone, the survivors in the real life trauma zone have, as their most important need, the need to find a way out. When people understand how trauma works and how to get loosed from its tenacious grip, they are set free to live their lives unencumbered by the wounds of the past. That’s the good news I’ve discovered in working with hundreds of people. There is hope! They have found—and you can too—that there is a way out.

The words of the psalmist ring true to provide extra courage and inspiration to God’s children who are in The Trauma Zone. Hear the psalmist:

Even if my father and mother abandon me,
the Lord will hold me close.
Teach me how to live, O Lord.
Lead me along the right path,
for my enemies are waiting for me.
Do not let me fall into their hands.
For they accuse me of things I’ve never done;
with every breath they threaten me with violence.
Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness
while I am here in the land of the living.
Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.
—Psalm 27:10-14

The psalmist helps us to understand that although testing and hardship are often unwelcome visitors on our journey, we are not alone. God is with us to protect, guide, and comfort us. This is crucial for us to know. Trauma is something that should never be faced alone. We need God’s help to lead us through the storm and take us to “higher ground.” In practical terms, higher ground may well be asking for human support.
When exiting The Trauma Zone, select a support person (see Appendix C) to help with your healing journey. It is important that you choose someone with whom you feel very comfortable sharing intimate details of your life. The person needs to be available, reliable, mature, and dedicated to keeping what you share confidential. If the person you are thinking of has been consistently available for you, explore if he or she can be a confidant as you commit to working through your trauma.
As you prayerfully reflect on whom you will ask to walk with you through this journey, it will also be important that your support person is able to handle the range of emotions you may encounter. If dealing with emotionally charged information sets him or her off, you might want to consider someone else you feel can handle your emotions. Remember that the person you ask to support you is your choice. Don’t choose someone out of a sense of obligation. Instead, choose someone who is a good match for your healing journey.
Your support person can be a professional such as your minister or counselor. Your support person can also be a layperson, family member, or friend—someone who is empathetic and consistently available to commit time and emotional energy to your healing. If you feel you don’t have a family member or friend you can turn to for support, then ask your physician for a referral to a counseling center or a behavioral health professional. You can also check the blue pages of your phone book.

Emotional trauma is tricky and powerful. Just when you think you have loosed yourself from its grip, trauma pulls you back and laughs in your face. Despite the setbacks, do not despair. God’s ability to heal is stronger than trauma’s ability to wound. Part One unfolds the battle plan for finding the hope you need to begin your healing journey. Let’s walk together.

Part One

Preparing for the Battle

Emotional trauma has the capacity to spin you in circles. You need lots of support, and one of the things you need support from is yourself. In particular, trauma sets off a voice in your soul—a tape that is filled with negative thoughts. When you heed the messages from this negative tape, you remain stuck in The Trauma Zone. I call the inner voice of your emotional pain the “Trauma DJ” In the first chapter let’s look at how the Trauma DJ operates so we can identify how to transform the Trauma DJ into a calming inner voice that speaks peace to your soul.

Chapter 1

The Trauma DJ


Trauma is life’s ultimate test. It pushes you to the edge of your breaking point. Each of us, at some time, faces a life circumstance that is so trying that we feel like crumbling. It could be the death of a loved one. Or it could be something else: divorce, incest, infidelity, sudden job loss, church blow-ups . . . All can be crucibles that leave us reeling in emotional pain for years. The aftermath of this trauma is for the survivors to be left with a strange, uncomfortable voice, like a tape playing in their heads. It’s the voice of the Trauma DJ.
Sometimes the voice of the Trauma DJ thunders. Sometimes the voice whispers. Usually it’s a nonstop chatterbox that speaks to you, keeping you on edge. The Trauma DJ speaks to your heart, leaving you stymied, frozen, and overwhelmed. You feel like hiding and taking cover. You end up feeling like a chicken running in circles with its head cut off. You feel trapped in a time warp that is embedded in your past as you relive your nightmares a thousand times.
For some people, the Trauma DJ assumes the form of a disturbing image. It can be a flashback—a snapshot of a tragic experience that litters the landscape of your mind.
Tricky and tenacious, trauma slips on the noose and tries to strangle you. The Trauma DJ whips your feelings into a frenzy by getting you to buy into the thinking that your life can never change. It’s a kind of “once bruised always damaged” type of thinking.
The Trauma DJ counsels you to expect the worst from life and people. It points to your life experiences that have been tragically painful. It convinces you (to prevent an encore performance of pain) to be on guard. Be ready to duck. And if necessary, duke it out. “Don’t take no stuff!”
The Trauma DJ has a message with your name on it. Based on your personal crucible, the internal tape begins to play, saying:

“What’s the point in even trying? You’ll never . . .”
“They never supported you before. What makes you think it will be different now?”
“Remember when things fell apart before? You might as well not even bother now.”

And the beat goes on. The voice of the Trauma DJ is persistent and overbearing. When you heed its advice, it binds you up, ball and chain. When you follow its instructions, it renders you powerless.
That’s the bad news. The good news is that the Trauma DJ is akin to a broken fire alarm system. It goes off daily when there is neither fire nor danger. The work of healing from your emotional pain is to identify when the Trauma DJ is sending out another false alarm and to tune it out. The challenge is to learn how to relax and calmly face whatever the Lord allows. Trauma tends to make you an emotional basket case if you let it. So remember that the Trauma DJ always speaks in the language of exaggeration.
When the Trauma DJ overwhelms you with a reoccurring problem, one that has tripped you up many times before, slow it down a bit. Take it easy and learn from your errors. Allow your mistakes to be your mentors. When the Trauma DJ tries to persuade you that past tragedies will hunt you down and haunt you forever, say “hogwash.” Say to yourself, “Then was then and now is now.” Remind yourself that you can choose to live powerfully in the present.
When the Trauma DJ tries to paralyze you with fear to the point that you feel you can’t move, just keep walking, one step at a time, and you’ll march out of The Trauma Zone. When the Trauma DJ whips your emotions into a frenzy and you are inclined to overreact with sadness, anger, or fear, just remember that the Trauma DJ’s message is overstated. Stay calm and respond to your challenges with the strength that comes from God’s love.
The Trauma DJ is a fear monger. But remember the words of Paul to the Church at Corinth. God never tests us past our breaking point. Instead, His tests are designed for our good. They are intended to bring out Christian character.
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.
—1 Corinthians 10:13

God is able to transform our emotional hurts into spiritual gain by making us more discerning, wise, and loving of self and others. This newfound understanding helps us to sort out both external and internal distractions. The Trauma DJ is an internal distraction. Its message of doom and gloom is never fully accurate. Instead, it is the voice of cover up.
We can choose to listen to another voice—the voice of recovery. This voice of the Holy Spirit calms us, renews us, and redirects us. This voice encourages and inspires. This voice connects with hope and an uplifting vision that leads us out of The Trauma Zone and into a relationship with the Good Shepherd. “My sheep listen to my voice,” Jesus said. “I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27).

Action Steps
1. Learn to quickly recognize the Trauma DJ based on the negative messages that it gives you about yourself in particular or life in general. Sometimes the message is a put- down of who you are or your abilities. Sometimes the message creates a pessimistic view of others. If you buy into these negative messages, they will keep you stuck in The Trauma Zone.
2. Pray for wisdom to quiet the voice of the Trauma DJ in your life. God’s wisdom will help you discern healthy self-reflection from toxic negative thinking. Healthy self-reflection enables you to look objectively at how you can improve and grow. The thinking generated by the Trauma DJ never helps because it only makes you more indecisive and afraid to live your life to the fullest as God intended.
3. Study God’s Word. Fill your mind with God’s promises which represent His ideas about you and the wonderful plan He has for you. Meditation is one excellent way to fill your mind with God’s promises. Choose some of your favorite Scriptures. The book of Psalms is a great place to start when you are going through a difficult time. Allow your mind to think about God’s Word and how it applies to your life today. Meditating on God’s promises creates enormous life-giving spiritual energy. You will find that what you think about makes all the difference in the world. Remember His promise:

You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you! —Isaiah 26:3


Let’s Pray Together
Father, many of us have been through the ringer emotionally. We learned to listen to a voice that was not Yours. It was the voice of our pain, our fear, and our doubt. It was the voice of the Trauma DJ Teach us today to override the voice of our misery with the voice of Your mercy. Help us to overcome the voice of fear with the voice of faith. Empower us to conquer the voice of defeat with the voice of Your overwhelming, life-transforming love. Remind us, dear Father, that there is a way out of our heartache and that You will show us the way. Amen.

Together let’s begin to plot the road map for exiting your personal trauma zone.

Chapter 2

The Trauma Zone Has Exit Signs

Remembering a tragic experience is gut wrenching! One of the first things I do when working with people who have experienced something traumatic is to give them hope before we begin to take on the monsters in The Trauma Zone.
I encourage them to think of The Trauma Zone as a landmark that they can use to let them know that they have gone too far. Understanding the trauma landmark enables them to recognize that they are in an unfamiliar neighborhood. The remedy comes from slowing down, making a safe U-turn, and heading in the right direction.
I have an exit sign in the waiting room of my office. Often, at the end of the first session, I point to the sign and say, “The Trauma Zone has exit signs.” I usually get a big smile and a nod of the head. The message has gotten through. Their pain can heal. Their trauma doesn’t have the last word. They have the last word. You do too! You can make choices, one step at a time, to reverse the effects of your pain.
One of those steps is to make a U-turn. In the process of healing, a U-turn can be an act of transformation. When you are beset by your burdens, it is easy to fall into a victim mode. But when you stand up to your trauma, you begin your road to recovery.
Overwhelming stress does strange things to you. One of the biggest changes that overtakes you is that trauma saps your power. It makes you feel helpless and fearful.
We all know what it is like to be a child and afraid of the dark. The experience of being stuck in the midst of your own personal trauma is akin to being a child in a very dark room groping for the light switch. Darkness and fear are “roommates.” Breaking free from the grip of trauma is all about learning how to face and manage your fears.
Second Timothy 1:7 ia wonderful building block to help you corral the spirit of fear. Listen to Paul’s words: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
Meditate on this Scripture. Let its words soak into the soil of your soul. The spirit of trauma causes you to live in fear. This kind of stress makes your soul quake. But when you meditate on the three principles in this passage, you realize that God does not want you to be intimidated. Instead, the Holy Spirit equips the believer with the power to get things done and to be effective. He gives us love that keeps us nurtured and protected. And He gives us self-discipline that keeps us focused in the right direction and grounded in hope. When you put these three together—power, love, and self-discipline—they become a wonderful spiritual fortress protecting you from evil yet at the same time giving you the tools to face it.
Healing comes from taking your power back. Defying trauma and the voice of the Trauma DJ is a first step in reclaiming your power.
One of the best role models for reclaiming power comes from the pages of African-American history in the person of Frederick Douglass. He was an eloquent critic of the institution of slavery. Masters knew that the only way they could keep people enslaved was by “getting into their heads” and instilling fear. Flogging was a way they sought to intimidate their slaves. One day, when Frederick was only sixteen, his master took him to a flogger who beat him unmercifully. Frederick remained “defiant,” and his master later sent him back for another flogging. The result this time was very different. Frederick fought him back! And from his ordeal with the flogger he penned these memorable sayings:

Power only backs up in the face of raw power.
Power concedes nothing without a demand.

What this means for the survivor, is that trauma must be defied. I tell my counselees to do the opposite of what the Trauma DJ tells them to do. I ask them to identify the trauma station they feel they are in, and then I remind them that The Trauma Zone Has Exit Signs!

Action Steps

1. Are there times when you have felt helpless? Remember that you are not helpless nor are you a victim.
2. Specify one thing you can do to reclaim your power.
3. Consider how love can make a difference.
4. Identify an area of your life where you need to exercise more self-discipline.
5. Note one thing the Trauma DJ is telling you to do, and choose to do the opposite.


Let’s Pray Together
Lord, give me the strength to face my fears. I know sometimes life can be scary. People do cruel things to each other. Some people use their words like sledge hammers. But that’s their problem. I have found new strength because You are greater than my trouble. You are my healer.
Help me today to step out from under the shadow of fear and to live victoriously. I am not a victim. I am not helpless. “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13). With You by my side I can face the storm that rages inside of me. Help me today to reclaim my power. Thank you, Lord, for hearing my prayer. Amen!

Another crucial step in your healing journey is to break the devastating power of secrets. In the next chapter you’ll learn how to undo the suffocating influence of secrecy.